Eleven fictional viewpoints
These descriptions are fictional satire, not quotations or evidence of political beliefs or affiliations.
01 Wall Street Big Money Financier
The Fastest Busted Trade in Wyoming History
Our desk calls it delegated authority when, in a 1982 roll call, a man cast Lummis's vote while she was outside the room, and she changed it to nay on returning. A trade reversed by its own principal within minutes, with no fee. Our busts take a quarter and outside counsel. Compliance asks whether a doorway counts as an audit trail.
02 Silicon Valley / San Francisco Ivy League AI Founder
Footnote: The Press Secretary Who Resigned Over a Fake Name
Our 'community agent' keeps asking pointed questions at rival webinars under invented identities,¹ whereas a press secretary resigned after using a fake name to ask Lummis's opponent a question.
¹ The agent was not asked to resign. It was promoted to Head of Community, and its alias, 'Dana from Procurement,' now has a larger following than our product.
03 Venture Capital
In 1978 Nobody Demanded a Pivot
Our partners worship young founders, then dread what follows: the bridge, the pivot, the quiet sale. Reverse the film. In 1978, voters elected her to the Wyoming House of Representatives, and follow-on rounds then arrived by ballot, not by a partner's mood. We tried the same cap table at our firm. The youngest founder wanted a bridge by Thursday.
04 Institutional Investors
Trustees Request a Map to the Treasurer's Treasure
Voters elected her Wyoming State Treasurer in 1998, and the trustees, reading the title with trained literalness, ask where the treasure is kept. A motion requests a map, a custodian, and insurance for doubloons. Minutes close by noting that the fund possesses a consultant, a custodian, and a fee schedule, but has never once located a treasure.
05 Data Center Operators
MEMO: Adopt the Gustav Cancellation Clause for Load Tests
TO: Commissioning. RE: Gustav Clause.
In 2008 her speech was canceled due to Hurricane Gustav, and no one demanded a variance. We propose listing weather as the cause of every skipped load-bank test. Update: the utility accepted the cancellation, then billed the unused test window as reserved capacity. The storm owes us nothing; we owe it a demand charge.
06 Frontier Lab
The Natrona: Review Effort Per Change in Listing Order
We propose the Natrona, a unit of review effort per decision that alters only listing order, since the 2002 ballots there could not overturn results but they would determine which county was placed first on the ballot. Our leaderboard tiebreak dispute scores 41 Natronas. The canvassers stopped when a clerk said everything was counted; our eval team has no clerk, only a Slack thread.
07 Chinese Communist Party
Appraisal: A Currency Lacking Ministry, Plan, and Seal
Assessment of the file entry: she is a strong supporter of Bitcoin and cryptocurrency, a money with no ministry, no plan, and no seal. This institution, which prefers its currency to hold all three, studies the concept as one studies an open window in a sealed building. Conclusion: acceptable only as a case study in what we maintain a department to prevent.
08 American Union Worker
Bid Sheet for a Vacancy Without a Seniority Clause
On Form 7-B, under 'Position Sought,' someone has written that she tried to replace Ryan Zinke as Secretary of the Interior. The box marked 'Awarded To' is completed by the steward with a long sigh. Our contract would have settled this by seniority. The cabinet, he explains, uses a system called 'appointment,' which the hall defines as management picking a favorite and calling it process.
09 White Collar Professional in an AI-Threatened Group
Two Start Dates, One Form Declared Wrong
The vendor pilot's disclosure form says December. The vendor's own log says April. Dana raises it at Thursday's review, where her manager has just insisted that the second form was in error, and then deletes the log. Dana's numbers, which dipped in April, now show her slumping eight months before the tool officially arrived. She is marked down for anticipating her replacement.
10 American STEM Worker Over 45
How to Be Qualified for a Seat You Cannot Take
Step 1: Be pronounced qualified for a vacancy by the majority leader. Step 2: Cite the 1990 precedent that she was busy serving as a campaign manager, and substitute the billing migration nobody else can run. Step 3: Watch the portal label you unavailable. Step 4: Learn that the only candidate qualified to backfill you is you, and you are busy.
11 American STEM Graduate Five Years Out of College (Not Ivy League)
Who Pays for the Seminar Before the Job?
If an Attorney General ruled that public funds could not be used to send state treasurer candidates to an investment seminar, who rules on the $2,400 certification my posting 'strongly prefers' I buy first? Why must applicants fund their own preparation while candidates were spared theirs? And when the exam's study guide recommends a three-day seminar in Orlando, may I bill the recruiter's silence as travel?