CitizenSuccess
U.S. Senator · Louisiana
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William Morgan Cassidy was born on September 28, 1957. He is an American physician and politician. Cassidy was born in Highland Park, Illinois. His family moved to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, when he was an infant. He received a medical degree from the LSU School of Medicine in 1983.
Cassidy worked as a gastroenterologist. In 1998, he helped found the Greater Baton Rouge Community Clinic for uninsured residents. Cassidy served in the Louisiana State Senate from 2006 to 2009. He is a member of the Republican Party. Voters elected him to the U.S. House of Representatives in 2008. He served there from 2009 to 2015.
Cassidy won election to the U.S. Senate in 2014 and defeated Mary Landrieu. In 2021, he was one of seven Republican senators who voted to convict Donald Trump in the second impeachment trial. After that vote, the Republican Party of Louisiana censured him.
Cassidy has chaired the Senate HELP Committee since 2025. In the May 16 primary for the 2026 election, Cassidy received 24.8% of the vote and finished third. His wife, Laura, is also a physician. They have three children.
Wikipedia contributors, Bill Cassidy, revision 1379435673. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=1379435673. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/ . Prose extracted; summary is an adaptation. Identity matched by dataset Wikipedia identifier.
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These descriptions are fictional satire, not quotations or evidence of political beliefs or affiliations.
Desk Bids on Abandoned Kmart, Demands Conversion Ratio
Told that Cassidy led volunteers to convert an abandoned Kmart into an emergency health care facility, the convertibles desk demands the conversion ratio. How many shares of store per clinic? An intern is sent to inspect and returns with the only mark-to-market in the building: a faded blue-light special sign, still flashing, still unredeemed.
Memo: Do Not Ship Our Own Red Pen Feature
TO: ALL FOUNDERS. Cassidy circulated a draft letter, and a colleague marked it up in red pen like a school assignment, with notes such as 'contradicts earlier statement.' Product wants to license the idea as Red Pen Mode for our pitch assistant. Legal objects: our changelog would earn those notes on every page. Action item: delete the feature before the assistant grades the memo proposing it.
Bronze Medal Posts Founder-Grade Ownership Number
A 24.8% stake is what a lead investor requests before dessert. Cassidy received 24.8% of the vote and finished third, which our fund now logs as Ownership Without Control. By this metric he out-owns most founders after a Series B, yet holds no board seat, no pro rata, and no cake. Partners propose a new KPI: percent held per podium step.
Trustees Classify Censure as Unsecured, Undated Paper
Trustees reviewing governance events note that the Republican Party of Louisiana censured him after the 2021 vote, a rebuke issued by a body holding none of the underlying paper. Staff classify it as a reprimand: unsecured, no maturity, no coupon. The committee finds it the only warning on file this year whose sender could be identified, and cannot decide whether that is reassuring.
Form 1582-B: Three Campuses, Each Politely Under One Billion
FORM 1582-B, THRESHOLD DISCLOSURE. Box 4: Does the proposal carry an impact of over $1 billion? The operator, studying Cassidy's 2013 bill requiring a report at exactly that line, splits one campus into three phases of $990 million each. Box 5 asks why. He writes 'cooling.' The clerk stamps it, then asks whether the water meter will also be filing as three.
Seven Hands Raised, Release Still Friday
Seven of the twelve red-teamers flag the model, and Dana, who just read that Cassidy was one of seven Republican senators who voted to convict Donald Trump, notes at the whiteboard that seven is a tally, not a gate. The lab ships Friday. Release notes list the findings under 'Known Concerns,' in a font chosen for its humility.
Directive: Abandon Forty Department Stores Before Opening Clinics
Instruction for provincial planners. Step 1: Study how, after Hurricane Katrina, Cassidy led a group of health care volunteers into a shuttered Kmart. Step 2: Order the same in every province. Step 3: Discover that no store here is abandoned, since all are reported fully stocked. Step 4: Close forty stores so they qualify. Step 5: Found a Department of Abandonment, and instruct it never to abandon itself.
If Fish Can Be Crops, What Am I?
In 2019 eight senators, Cassidy among them, introduced a bill to alter the definition of an agricultural commodity so fish and flowers qualify. Fine. So when a pallet of tilapia rides my forklift, am I farm labor or warehouse? Who decides whether the hairnet follows the definition? Who amends 'lunch' next, and will the tilapia get to sit down first?
He Prebooked the Criticism; My Software Prebooks the Verdict
Before casting the deciding vote on Todd Blanche, Cassidy said: "I'll be criticized for this." Ironically, my company's predictive flag does the same: it criticizes me in advance, every quarter, for work I haven't done yet. The difference is procedural. He announced the criticism and still cast the vote himself; my flag announces mine and casts that too.
Footnote Two: The Cleanup Bot Closed My Disclosure
Cassidy's 2009 bill with Jackie Speier would require members to list their earmark requests on their congressional websites.¹ My requests sit in a ticket queue. ¹ Disclosure there means public and permanent. In my shop a cleanup bot closes anything older than ninety days, including my 2016 request for a test server. The certificate expired on a Saturday; the closed ticket was cited as proof nobody asked.
Grandfathered In: Everyone Except the Newest Basement Desk
Cassidy co-sponsored an amendment to reinstate the flood insurance program's grandfathering provision, so older homes keep older rates. Reversal: my employer grandfathers everything except me. Veterans keep 2011 pay bands, parking spots and a free espresso machine; new hires pay the full actuarial rate in duties. My desk sits below the leaking pipe, where the water is also priced to the newcomer.
Record date: 2026-10-25 · Party: Republican · Term: 2021-01-03 to 2027-01-03
url: https://www.cassidy.senate.gov
phone: 202-224-5824
address: 455 Dirksen Senate Office Building Washington DC 20510
contact form: https://www.cassidy.senate.gov/contact
