A simpler biography
This ASD-STE100 summary is a draft. Dictionary and editorial review remain open.
Joshua David Hawley was born on December 31, 1979, in Springdale, Arkansas. Hawley graduated from Stanford University in 2002 and from Yale Law School in 2006. He worked as a law clerk for Judge Michael W. McConnell and then for Chief Justice John Roberts.
Hawley was a lawyer in private practice from 2008 to 2011. He then worked for the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty from 2011 to 2015. Hawley was sworn in as Missouri attorney general on January 9, 2017. As attorney general, he started lawsuits and investigations, including one about companies linked to the opioid epidemic.
In the November 2018 election, Hawley defeated Claire McCaskill, 51% to 46%. Hawley was sworn in as a U.S. senator on January 3, 2019. In December 2020, he was the first senator to announce a plan to object to the certification of Joe Biden's victory.
Many people criticized his action, and some called for his resignation. Hawley said he would never apologize for giving voice to people who had concerns about election integrity. He sought a second Senate term in 2024 and was reelected in November.
Wikipedia contributors, Josh Hawley, revision 1381726015. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=1381726015. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/ . Prose extracted; summary is an adaptation. Identity matched by dataset Wikipedia identifier.
Imported Wikipedia revision ↗
Eleven fictional viewpoints
These descriptions are fictional satire, not quotations or evidence of political beliefs or affiliations.
01 Wall Street Big Money Financier
Desk Prices Self-Deleting Texts at Infinity Per Second
Traders tried to put a yield on Confide, a messaging app that erases texts after they have been read, which The Kansas City Star reported Governor Greitens's staff used. They invented Read-to-Zero: value divided by seconds until the note vanishes. Every research note on the desk scores infinity, since compliance keeps it seven years. The desk judged the app the superior product, then wrote a memo saying so, which must be retained.
02 Silicon Valley / San Francisco Ivy League AI Founder
Appraisal: Two Sequential Human Reviewers, No Enterprise Tier
Assessment complete. Hawley worked as a law clerk for Judge Michael W. McConnell and then for Chief Justice John Roberts, which the founder reads as two successive reviewers going over every draft before it left the building. His own product offers one reviewer, occasionally, sold as a premium tier. The founder recommends no pivot, only a quiet study of what human-in-the-loop used to cost.
03 Venture Capital
Diligence Form Line 4: Four Years, No Bridge Round
Line 4 of the diligence form asks for employer, stage, valuation, and exit. The associate types Becket Fund for Religious Liberty from 2011 to 2015, then leaves stage, valuation, and exit blank, because four years there arrived without a single bridge round. The partner reads the empty boxes twice and asks whether the form is broken or the career is simply unfundable. He checks 'broken' and blames the form's vendor, which he also backed.
04 Institutional Investors
Trustees Learn Someone Else Started the Lawsuit
At the quarterly meeting a trustee reads aloud that as attorney general Hawley started lawsuits and investigations. 'Were we plaintiffs?' she asks. The secretary opens a drawer of settlement notices the fund never answered. The trustees agree the fund holds a great deal and starts nothing. The minutes record the finding as 'passive, with feelings.'
05 Data Center Operators
How to Be First in Line and Still Wait
Step 1: Note that in December 2020 Hawley was the first senator to announce a plan to object to the certification of Joe Biden's victory. Step 2: Compare this with our interconnection queue, where first position means the study begins next fiscal year. Step 3: Await the utility study. Step 4: Observe that being first has never moved a transformer.
06 Frontier Lab
Who Chose the Letters Our Safety Benchmark Spells?
If a group of former staffers could create a committee with the backronym JOSH PAC (Just Oust Seditious Hacks), why was our safety benchmark's name approved before a single test existed? Who invented a test for the final S just to fill the space? Has any evaluation ever been cut because it wouldn't fit the letters? And when the model aces the section we padded in for spelling, is that a result or only orthography?
07 Chinese Communist Party
Bureau Alarmed by Unsanctioned Snack During Foreign Coverage
Analysts reviewed a claim by former St Paul's School colleagues that Hawley was making himself popcorn to eat while watching news coverage of the 2003 invasion. Our study sessions offer tea, criticism, and a prepared reading. This was viewing with a snack and no commentary track. The bureau proposes issuing official popcorn, with annotations, and a self-criticism for any kernel that pops ahead of schedule.
08 American Union Worker
Footnote: Thirty Minutes, Unless Someone Holds the Switch
The bill would leave users unable to use a platform for more than 30 minutes per day, unless they manually change the settings once a month.¹ ¹ Shop note: our lunch is also thirty minutes, but the setting belongs to management, and the month it gets changed is never posted. The steward asks for the switch to be installed on the time clock, along with a ban on auto-play overtime.
09 White Collar Professional in an AI-Threatened Group
The Software Takes Credit; I Keep the Oath
Hawley was sworn in as Missouri attorney general on January 9, 2017, hand raised, date recorded, so someone could be held to it. At my firm, the drafting software has never been sworn in to anything, yet it collects the praise while my signature keeps the liability. We are told this is a promotion for the software. My severance notice arrived unsworn, undated, and from a no-reply address.
10 American STEM Worker Over 45
Senior Engineer Admires the Sidewalk Report's Spotless Ticket Board
Told that a candlelight vigil ended with "no issues, no arrests," the senior engineer reads it as a tracker status and envies the empty board. His own holds 212 open issues. Management, inspired, bulk-closes them all as "not that big of a deal" and deletes the field. When the billing system fails, the outage notice reaches him in chalk, on the loading dock.
11 American STEM Graduate Five Years Out of College (Not Ivy League)
Memo: Final-Round Candidates Now Seated in the Balcony
MEMO. Re: Final-round seating. An NBC reporter described a senator as sitting up in the gallery with his feet up, reviewing paperwork, while colleagues sat on the floor. Our panel adopts the layout: staff take the floor, candidates take the balcony with a clipboard. Raised hands are answered, "The gallery observes only." Action item: send up the paperwork the candidate is supposedly reviewing, namely the offer letter, still in drafts.