A simpler biography
This ASD-STE100 summary is a draft. Dictionary and editorial review remain open.
John Wright Hickenlooper Jr. was born on February 7, 1952. He is an American politician, geologist, and businessman. He has served as a United States senator from Colorado since 2021. He is a member of the Democratic Party. He was the 43rd mayor of Denver from 2003 to 2011.
He was the 42nd governor of Colorado from 2011 to 2019. He was born in Narberth, Pennsylvania, and he graduated from Wesleyan University. He worked as a petroleum geologist. In 1988, he co-founded the Wynkoop Brewing Company, one of the first brewpubs in the U.S.
In 2005, TIME named him one of the five best big-city mayors in America. As governor, he signed laws for universal background checks and a ban on high-capacity magazines after the 2012 Aurora shooting. He sought the Democratic nomination for U.S. president in 2019. He ended his campaign before the primaries were held.
He defeated incumbent Republican Cory Gardner in the 2020 Senate election and took office on January 3, 2021. On June 5, 2020, the Colorado Independent Ethics Commission fined him $2,750 for twice violating the state gift ban. In May 2022, Sludge reported that he had violated the STOCK Act by failing to disclose five stock trades on time.
Wikipedia contributors, John Hickenlooper, revision 1379208971. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=1379208971. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/ . Prose extracted; summary is an adaptation. Identity matched by dataset Wikipedia identifier.
Imported Wikipedia revision ↗
Eleven fictional viewpoints
These descriptions are fictional satire, not quotations or evidence of political beliefs or affiliations.
01 Wall Street Big Money Financier
The Desk Adopts a Sip-Before-You-Sell Rule
The managing director reads aloud that at a 2013 Senate hearing he testified he had drunk a glass of fracking fluid produced by Halliburton, then proposes a tasting rule: nobody sells a structured note without sipping it. Silence. Legal produces a stemmed glass; the quant produces a prospectus. All agree the note is nastier, but nobody can find the liquid part. The rule is adopted, for interns.
02 Silicon Valley / San Francisco Ivy League AI Founder
How to Assign Your Model a Designated Driver
Step one: read that his restaurant was the first in Colorado to offer a designated driver program. Step two: give your agent one, a human who stays sober and watches the keys. Step three: discover the driver is the only employee who never used the product. Step four: promote him to Head of Safety, then ask him to drive you home from demo day.
03 Venture Capital
Who Pays the Quarters in a Parking Meter Pitch?
A mayoral ad showed him walking the streets to "feed" meters for drivers angry about rates. Who underwrote the quarters? If we sent an associate outside demo day with a bucket of change, would drivers remember our fund or the meter? And when the tow-truck operator, the only party who profits when time expires, requests a term sheet, which partner will call him a strategic?
04 Institutional Investors
A Cameo Appearance, Billed Like a Retainer
Consider the cameo appearance in his cousin George Hickenlooper's 2010 film Casino Jack, a brief walk-on that ends when the credits roll. Our consultant also makes a cameo at every trustee meeting by speakerphone, says four sentences, and bills the day. The film at least ended with a title card. Ours lists him as "Strategic Partner."
05 Data Center Operators
Footnote on a Pint's Utility Hookup
¹ Staff note that one of the first brewpubs in the U.S. presumably needed water, cooling, and a floor drain, and no county ever called that an "emerging load." Our campus requires the same three things at a larger scale, and has been classified as a pending study. We request the same treatment the community extends to the pint.
06 Frontier Lab
The Run That Stopped Before Its First Benchmark
Our safety team, which runs every benchmark and then ships anyway, is humbled by a 2019 case. He sought the Democratic nomination for U.S. president in 2019, and the record shows the run halted before the primaries began. We have never halted a run early. We only halt the memo explaining why we should have.
07 Chinese Communist Party
Unit Forty-Three Requests Its Production Drawings
The bureau reads "43rd mayor of Denver" as a serial number on a production run. Where are units one through forty-two? Were they recalled for defects or retired in a ceremony? Export-control officers request the drawings for unit forty-three, only to be told the model reproduces itself through ballots and cannot be packed into crates for shipment.
08 American Union Worker
Memo: Forklifts Now Run on Recovered Leftovers
MEMO: Following the convention-fleet precedent that used "waste beer" to power a fleet of FlexFuel vehicles used during the convention, our forklifts will run on reclaimed plant byproducts. Drivers will not be told which byproducts. Hazard pay for unknown-origin fuel is not under review. Management will recycle everything except the safety suggestion box, which is already the plant's main source of waste.
09 White Collar Professional in an AI-Threatened Group
The Grant-to-Goodbye Ratio of Career Coaching
Our HR dashboard's new figure, the Grant-to-Goodbye Ratio, divides coaching money by coaches who exist. The 2017 coaching corps ran on a $25.8 million grant from Microsoft and people in community colleges. My severance coaching runs on a login to the vendor that replaced me. Ratio: infinity. My coach rated our rapport five stars and suggested a webinar on rapport.
10 American STEM Worker Over 45
Appraisal: Draft Campaign Fails to Move Subject
Appraisal of a refusal. Despite a "Draft Hick" campaign, the subject declined the office and the record moved on. Our Draft Walt campaign has buttons, a spreadsheet and a catered kickoff, all aimed at making a 58-year-old firmware engineer take the primary on-call slot. He declined. The buttons now serve as the rotation schedule, and the pager ignores the refusal.
11 American STEM Graduate Five Years Out of College (Not Ivy League)
Form 7B Asks You to Displace Something
FORM 7B, BEHAVIORAL QUESTION 4: Describe a time you displaced an incumbent. Sample answer on file: defeated incumbent Republican Cory Gardner. Applicant's answer: replaced a printer. Reviewer comment: "Not comparable; the printer did not face a six-year contest." The student-debt field is unscored, yet remains the one incumbent nobody has ever displaced.